


Remember, I Love You

by wakeupstiles



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: (Obviously), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Heartbreak, Unhappy Ending, reliving good memories, takes place after gina's death, this is cute and sad so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 02:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6102328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakeupstiles/pseuds/wakeupstiles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raven grieved in anger. Raven grieved in silence. Raven grieved in pain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember, I Love You

She’d been avoiding it for a while, going back to their room. Arkadia wasn’t the same without her laughter consuming it, and their room wouldn’t be same without her smile. She wasn’t ready to face it. She wasn’t ready for the pain to multiply. But she couldn’t stay in Monty’s room forever, no matter how much he assured her that it was okay. She loved Monty, and as much as she didn’t want to, she had to do this for herself. She had to face what was waiting for her on the other side of that door, heartbreak be damned.

“Standing here won’t do anything, Reyes.” She muttered to herself as she stood in front of their—her—bedroom door. She shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, wanting to do nothing more than run and hide. “Can’t run from everything.” Then she looked down at her braced leg and gave a stiff, dry laugh. “Can’t even run.”

_It’s been three weeks, get in there._ She could hear Gina scolding her. Raven closed her eyes, leaned her forehead against the door, smiled faintly. _You gotta face the reality of this sometime._ Her voice floated through her head, as smooth and as silk. She wanted to be wrapped up in it forever.

“I _have_ faced the reality. _Every day_ I face it.” She argued with nothing and nothing argued back.

_No you haven’t._ Gina tisked. She looked up and saw her standing a few inches away from her, her hands on her hips, her head sideways, that accusing look on her pretty face. _You won’t face it until you go in your room._

“ _Our_ room.” Raven corrected, a lump forming in her throat.

Your _room._ Now the blonde was standing in front of her, looking down at her, eyes somber and lips pursed. _It’s your room, now. Yours._ She nodded her head towards the door. _Now, go in before I push you in._ She teased then disappeared.

Raven reached out to her, hoping that maybe she’d be able to grab her and keep her there, pull her back before she vanished with the air. But her fingers grabbed for nothing, her heart hoped for nothing, because Gina wasn’t there and she would never be there again.

She sighed, frowned, and then swung open the door to her room. Right away she was assaulted with the scent of Gina; sweet and sunny with the hint of rain. She lingered in the doorway, scared to enter and remember. Her eyes looped over to the night stand where a single picture sat: it was them, ten years old, hugging each other and smiling. It was the only thing Gina was able to save when she crashed into the earth.

Raven smiled sadly.

 

 

Gina was beautiful. Gina was patient. Gina was loyal.

_A girl from Mecha Station and a girl from Hydra Station met their first day of Earth Studies class. It was easy to tell from the start that they were two completely different children and would grow to become two completely different women; one the stars and one the galaxy, but as opposites as they were, they were the same; stars lived in galaxies, and Gina wanted to get lost in Raven._

_Sarcastic, fiery Raven, with an intelligent mind and a mouth so quick she left adults in a daze. She was alight with wonder, and her radiance drew Gina in like a moth to flame, though she didn’t mind if she got burned._

_Quiet, curious Gina, with a coy smile and a mind full of wit, she often rendered others speechless. An aura of serenity consumed her, and Raven wanted to dive into it, never return to the surface._

_They grew together, supported one another, and when time came for Raven to go to the ground, Gina didn’t beg her not to go. It was for Finn, she knew. To help the other 100 and for Finn. She loved her, but she wouldn’t stop her, not when it was this important. So Raven left and in those weeks that she was gone, Gina tried to carry on, never knowing if she would see the woman she loved again._

 

 

The brunette’s vision unclouded and her eyes left the picture and shifted all around the room. She breathed in slowly, trying to take in the other woman’s scent while it still lingered. After a few minutes, she stepped into the room and the door automatically shut behind her. She was alone with herself and that was more dangerous than people thought.

Raven stood in front of their bed, closed her eyes as a few tears slid down her cheeks.

 

 

Gina was comfort. Gina was stability. Gina was home.

_The first thing she asked when Kane and Bellamy hauled her into camp was where Gina was. “Where is she? Where is she? Where’s Gina? Where’s Gina?” She was in hysterics, and the pain from her leg didn’t help ease it. No one told her anything, not until she was in the medical station in the Ark and Abby was leaning over her with saddened eyes. She knew, then, that Gina was not there. “What happened?” She asked, her mouth dry, her throat burning._

_“Hydra Station blew before we got to the ground. I’m so sorry, Raven.” The woman explained, her grip tightening around the brunette’s hand. Raven gave a little squeeze back, whined, and turned her face towards the wall as Abby then began to explain the condition with her bullet wound._

_But she didn’t care about her goddamn leg; losing Gina was worse than never being able to walk again._

 

_But she did see her. After Finn was killed, after Mount Weather, after Clarke left, she saw her. Standing there at the opening of camp, her blonde hair at her shoulders, pulled back in the front, curls falling around her face. Bright eyed, sweaty, red faced, breathing heavily and covered in dirt, a complete mess. But she was there. She was alive._

She was alive.

_“Gina,” Raven called hoarsely, then began limp-running towards her. “Gina!” She called louder. The woman looked up and broke into a sprint towards her. They met each other half way and Raven threw her arms around her and Gina caught her and they held each other tightly while everyone stared but they didn’t care because they were alive and they were in each other’s arms and nothing else mattered._

_She was alive._

_“How?” Raven asked, her voice cracking with tears. She looked up at Gina, held her even tighter to make sure that she was real._

_Gina pulled her closer. “I was on Arrow Station when the Ark came down.” She explained. “The search party found us in the woods. We’ve been there for weeks.” But she was there now, in Raven’s arms, safe in camp, safe, safe, safe._

_Raven didn’t say anything about Finn and Gina didn’t ask about her leg, both of which Raven was thankful for. Raven was tired. Tired of explaining everything that happened (though she knew Gina knew, because no one could keep their mouths shut in Arkadia). She just wanted some peace and quiet. Comfort and stability. Gina gave her that. Gina gave her everything._

 

 

She sat down on the edge of _her_ bed, began absentmindedly rubbing her fingers over her aching leg. Across from her was Gina’s desk, chair pulled back and papers messily strewed over the surface, pens scattered in every direction, waiting as if she were coming back. Raven bit her lip, wondered if she should see what was written on the parchment, decided that she would find out tomorrow because she was just _so damn tired._

Gina loved to write. Poems, short stories, letters; whatever, as long as she had a pen and paper she would write. Raven loved to read everything she created, even if the woman complained that it wasn’t that good, that she hadn’t proof read it, that it didn’t make since. _It’s good because you wrote it and that’s that._ She would argue _you can’t say that; you’re biased,_ and yes, Raven was biased, but _I would tell you if it sucked, Gina._

Raven huffed a little laugh.

 

 

Gina was good. Gina was accepting. Gina was kind.

_Raven said ‘I love you’ first._

_She hadn’t rehearsed it or planned it, it just sort of spilled out at the most random time; she and Gina were getting water from the bucket in camp, talking about something that wasn’t important. Raven had said something and Gina had laughed and the bucket slipped out of her hands and splashed all over the front of her pants. She huffed and cussed and her face got flustered and Raven got silent. When Gina calmed and asked her what was wrong, Raven just smiled and said, “I love you.”_

_It wasn’t the ‘I love you’ they said all the time up in the Ark; it was the ‘I am in love with you and oh my god I don’t want to be without you I love you’. Raven was sure that after Finn she would never feel that deeply again, but there was Gina, and there were her feelings consuming her shattered heart, beginning to mend it. It terrified and excited her all at once._

_Gina froze, eyes wide, heart pounding, asked, “What?”_

_Raven’s face began to heat. She adverted her eyes, shrugged, said again, lower and unsure, “I love you.”_

_Now Gina was in front of her, smiling widely, gripping the shorter woman’s hands in her own. “Do you really?” She asked, her voice small and hopeful._

_Raven turned back to look at her and a little smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. She nodded, said again, “I love you.”_

_Without hesitation Gina bent down and kissed Raven on the mouth, slow and sweet, then mumbled against her lips as she pulled away slightly, “I love you, too.”_

 

 

Her eyes began to blur and she covered her mouth with her hand to keep the sob inside. They didn’t have much, they never really did, even up on the Ark, but they had each other and that was enough. Even on the Ground, with no family, with little hope, with all the pain, they still had each other and they would get by.

But now Raven only had herself and she didn’t know what she was supposed to do.

 

 

Gina was brave. Gina was selfless. Gina was courageous.

_“Raven, it’s going to blow, there’s nothing you can do.” Gina’s scratchy voice came over the walkie-talkie._

_Raven stood from the ground, made herself bite away the pain from her leg. “What? No—there’s something, there’s always something.”_

_“Ten seconds.” Gina said breathlessly._

_“I’m coming for you.” She started towards the Mountain, desperate to get to the woman she loved._

_“Don’t you dare!” Gina shouted with all her strength, then, softer, “You’re not dying here, too.”_

_Raven stopped and Sinclair grabbed her arm to make sure that she wouldn’t try to go in again. “Gina, no.” She begged, her voice choked._

_“I love you, Raven.”_

_“Gina, please!” She shouted into the receiver._

_“Three seconds.” Gina whispered._

_Raven squeezed her eyes shut, whispered back, “I love you, too.”_

_And then the Mountain blew._

 

 

She took off her brace and curled up under the blankets in their bed. She faced the side Gina always slept on, extended her hand and curled her fist around the air, breathed deeply. She closed her eyes and cried.

 

 

Gina was love. Gina was life. Gina was gone.

_“Remember, I love you.” Gina smiled._

_“I love you, too.” Raven smiled back._

 

 

Raven was damaged. Raven was lost. Raven was numb.


End file.
